When is it time to forgive?

Bullying can hurt so much. I still feel scarred and hurt by what happened. Sometimes I have days where I feel really down. Years on, have I forgiven those who hurt me? Yes. It's taken a while but I can now talk to the people who hurt me like they never did hurt me. I don't let them think that I still hold a grudge. Most of the bullying happened when I was very young. And so were the bullies. I like to think that they have grown up and grow out of it. People act foolish when they are young. It might be intentional to hurt you but they can still change their ways. I wouldn't particularily trust any of them too much, but I would still be civil, or even friendly towards them if I see them a lot.

There is a phrase:

''Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you.''

 (Sorry I don't know who said it, so if you know, leave a comment!) This is one of the most important sayings I have ever come across. Learn from your past and move on. There is no point in torturing yourself by holding a grudge; It takes time and energy! Forgive and forget, but remember what you learned.

Talk soon,

Ruth.
X

CONFIDENCE: FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT!

Confidence is key to not being bullied. It's a vicous circle though, because if you're shy when you are young (like me), it's easier for you to be bullied. Then when you are bullied, it will severely knock your confidence, thus leaving it easier to be bullied again. This is harsh but true.

When I started a new school at the age of 12, I was still shy, but I decided I needed to pretend to be confident in myself. Not over confident though. I pushed boundaries and tried to make new friends. I was still super shy at heart though. But, as I grew older I became less conscious of what other people though of me. My personality developed, and by the age of 15, I started to actually feel confident. I didn't have to pretend I was as much. Obviously, not many people are ever 100% confident. I still get shy or nervous sometimes.

It works though. FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT. The more you pretend you are confident, the more you actually become confident. So just SMILE and exude your inner confidence! And make eye contact! :) 'The eyes are the windows to the soul.'

You gotta believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, who will? Look in the mirror. You are beautiful. No one can judge you for who you are, because everybody is different. Question: How boring would the world be if everyone was the same? Answer: Extremely.

''Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage and confidence in the doing.'' -Theodore Roosevelt.

''With confidence, you can reach truely reach amazing heights; without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments are beyond out grasp.''- Jim Loehr.

If you are being bullied, it is so important that you don't let the bully know you are upset. Ignore them and walk away. Please try not to cry. I always cry though- over stupid things, so this is really hard for me!

Okay this bit sounds a bit weird, but try and think of someone who is really confident and try to copy them. For me, I always think of Bree on Desperate Housewives! They always talk about how great she is at showing no emotion in public. So I just think of her, she doesn't cry when she is upset or get angry. Be Bree! I remember one time, she told Susan that when she felt tears coming on, to take a deep breath, and imagine in your mind putting the emotion into a box and storing it in a mental cupboard until later. Then when you are alone, you can open that box, and deal with the emotion. Obviously, I do show emotion usually, but if somebody is being mean or tormenting me, I do this. Fake your confidence. Pretend whatever they are saying to you isn't happening.

I hope something hear helps you! :)

Remember: Fake confidence, but don't change who you are.

Talk soon,
Ruth.

XO

Today's Inspirational Quote

Today's Inspirational Quote is:

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.''  -Harvey Fierstein

 

This is key to building confidence. Be you! No one can tell you how to act. You are you. You are unique. Nobody in the whole world is quite like you. Speak your mind. Stand up for your values. Just like the quote says, no one can tell you how to live your life.

 

Define yourself!

 

Aside: I will probably do more of the inspirational quotes during the week because I don't have the time midweek to do long blog posts. At the weekends, I'm going to try and do a few extra blogs and publish them midweek, to become more consistant!

Cheer up when you're feeling low! -My experience

I always tried to find ways to escape my hurt feelings, to leave my own thoughs for a while.
First of all, it's good to have a hobby or past time, obviously not with anyone who is mean to you. Sport is good if you like it, but I've always hated sport, so that wasn't for me.

When I was younger, I loved to read. Books are so great, to escape your own world and jump into someone else's. I was always a huge Harry Potter fan. I still read the books today- in fact I'm re-reading them right now! If I came home from school upset, I'd always calm down by reading them.

I'm a true girly-girl. When I was around 12 or 13years old, I was watching one of Leona Lewis' music videos on YouTube, when I saw, in the side bar, a video on how to do Leona Lewis' make up from her video! I clicked on it and it was Lauren Luke (panacea81). Oh My God, that is the day I discovered the beauty world on youtube. I spent hours watching her videos. It was such a good distraction.. and I learned so much about makeup and beauty. I then discovered Elle and Blair Fowler (allthatglitters21 and juicystar07 respectively). I still watch their videos today. I love hearing what they've got to say about different products. For those few minutes, I'd forget all about the bullies.

I also love cooking. It's like a project you have to work on, and your reward is the finished food! You feel like you have actually accomplished something. It's something you have to concentrate on, so again it's a good distraction.

Films are a great way to escape into different worlds. I also love series, like Frasier or Friends. Laugh-out-Loud humour is the best way to cheer up!

Probably most importantly, you should talk to those you love.. friends and family. Try to tell them what's going on, I know it's frightening but it's important. (I'll have a blog post on this soon.) Even if you don't mention the bullying, it helps to know that there is people there for you, who love you and care for you. For me, this was mostly family. They've always been supportive of me. Since I was bullied in school, my home was always a comforting sight.

I hope this helped, but obviously everyones different, so everyone has their own distractions. What are yours?

Ruth XO

Lauren Luke's YouTube Channel
Elle Fowler's YouTube Channel
Blair Fowler's YouTube Channel

Positive Quote of the Day

Whenever I feel low, it helps me to read inspirational quotes. Every now and then I will devote a blogpost to a special quote. Today's quote is :

 ''Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ''- Dr Seuss.

This quote really speaks to me, I think it really puts everything in perspective and has helped me to make decisions in the past.

Have you any inspirational quotes?

Then and Now: Early Childhood

When I was younger, before I started school and up to when I was maybe seven or eight years old, my best friend was a cousin of mine of the same age. We were together a lot, mainly because we were cousins. We were always at each others houses and we did dancing classes together for a few years. I thought she was great. We always got on well, it seemed. However I was shy as a child and unfortunately, she was more dominant than me. She might not have had confidence but she tried to gain confidence by picking on me. After a while, I realised I didn't like her very much. She could make me feel like dirt on her shoe with just one harsh comment, even at an age as young as three or four. I was naive enough to think that it was my fault that she made me feel like this. I have a personality type where I naturally want to please people. I thought that I should just put up with her verbal abuse. I didn't want to make my parents mad at her. So, I never told my parents.. until my mother noticed that I wasn't myself when I was with her. She saw how condescending my cousin was to me.
She talked to me about it and I realised that my cousin was very polite and nice to me at times when we hadn't seen each other for a while. When we saw each other a lot, she probably took me for granted and that is why she picked on me. The phrase ''Only in small doses'' is fitting here.
We were in the same class in school but we soon got mixed up into different classes, so we began to see less and less of each other. She also gave up dance class so that was one less occasion at which we were together.
Since she is my cousin, I'm still in contact with her. However her actions meant that I was always shy, and this lead to different people bullying me in later years. When I went to a different school at the age of twelve, my confidence began to grow again.
I now get on just fine with my cousin. I know that I will never let her put me down again. She won't walk all over me again. I think she knows this too. However I would still be wary about seeing to much of her. Like I said, ''only in small doses''.